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Anxiety, Autism & Mom's Night Out

8/13/2014

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"Why don't you just get over your anxiety?" "Can't you just push through it?" "Can't You do (xyz) to fix it?"  People are well-meaning but very uninformed about the level of anxiety that can accompany Autism. If we have not figured out strategies for ourselves and what works for us, we can get stuck and it is difficult to move forward no matter how hard we try or how much we want to "be different". 

I have a lot of anxiety about many things. One of them is going by myself into situations where there are several unknowns. These unknowns can be: who will be there? Will I know anyone? Are they "safe" people who will not judge me for my "not so visible" disability? What will they talk about? (If it's at a restaurant) What should I order? and How loud will it be...music, voices in the restaurant, and will I be able to hear the others at my table because of the noise level? Another anxiety in these situations is the social nuances themselves...conversational turn taking (dialogue vs. monologue), when to share my opinions and when to keep them to myself, how controversial will or can the discussions be? 

Last night, I had a Mom's night out with several other moms from our Homeschool Co-op...and I went through the processes of unknowns and social nuances. (One thing that helps me is silent role playing. Thinking through some possible situations, what I can say and how I should act or respond.)  Still nervous, I went anyway. When I got there, I spent the first, maybe, hour just listening...not speaking. I assessed the situation and the atmosphere. I answered questions when asked, asked a couple of questions myself. I was aware of the length of my side of a conversation and payed close attention when someone else was talking to me. I worked hard at responding appropriately and trying to ask questions about the other person. It's a little easier when the other person and I have something in common, but it's harder when the other person seems aloof or too perfect. I tried to be very aware of my surroundings and tried to focus on only the people at my table. (It helped that I sat with my back to the rest of the restaurant.) Lots of heavy brain processing. I did well, but it was very hard. 

Now...put me on a stage to speak in front of large crowds...no problem. Put me in a smaller group or one-on-one, and my anxiety goes through the roof. However, what you see on the outside doesn't reflect what is going on inside. I have worked hard to develop strategies and routines to help me cope and adjust when I need to. All too often, I have let this anxiety win and have stayed back out of fear, not wanting to face the situation. But, today, even though I still struggle, I fight through...heart pounding, body shaking, knees knocking. I say a prayer and just GO! A well-known tv preacher said, "Do it afraid!" Often, that is just how I do it. The key is...I DO IT! 

I try hard not to let the anxiety rule. Do I always succeed? NO. Sometimes I am too exhausted to fight. I have to gauge my activities. If there is something I want to do but there are a bunch of other things scheduled, I have to prioritize what it is most important and decide what I want to reschedule or cancel. I need to be aware of my energy levels. I can't do too much or I'll crash. No matter what, after any stressful, high brain processing event, I need to take recovery time. Usually the next day, I have to do low stress activities and take some "down time". Otherwise, I overload and again, crash. 

So, I struggle through my anxiety, working through it day by day. And those times when I am too tired to push through, it's okay...I rest.  But, next time...watch out Anxiety...I'm barreling through! You're not going to stop me from living my life!


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Just getting started

8/8/2014

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I wish that I was able to easily do things. I am good at many things, but not great. I can usually figure almost anything out, but it takes so long and I get easily frustrated. My brain gets overloaded and my emotions get overwhelmed. Then, I need to take some time to decompress. 

And now...all I wanted to do is just get my blog started and my brain gets blocked. I can't think of what I wanted to say. So...I will wait until next time to say something profound. I hope you will forgive me. There has been lots of activity in our lives the last two days. And it's not over yet. We still have an event to attend tonight. Tomorrow we will be home and I will take the day off. 

This is how it is for the life of an Aspie...and when you multiply that by four (which is how many there are in our household) you increase the recovery time as well. Since all of us have High Functioning Autism (Asperger's Syndrome), we have to have grace with one another all the time. Even when we ourselves are overwhelmed and feel like having a meltdown. (That's where I am right now.) We, obviously, don't always have patience when another is having an issue. But, we try. 

Well, until next time, I will sign off and hope you all understand. I will share something more profound next week. Have a great week! 
7 Comments

    Jodi Hill

    I'm a wife, mother, entrepreneur, writer and Aspie! What else do you need to know? 

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